The Tinkler
Scott Mclean
Having nerve spasms so today’s a two for.
My brother Steve and I were at odds with my older sisters boyfriends.
One had the last name of Payne. We secretly called him pain in the ass.
He had a Malibu he was quite proud of. Steve and I were coming back from the creek and he yelled at us to keep away from his car. I got his attention and Steve peed in his gas tank. He did not come around much after that.
One of her former boyfriends became a deputy sherrif. He pulled me over for speeding about 100 yards from the driveway. I won’t play innocent and say I never broke the speed limit but that particular car would have been lucky to get to 30 in that distance. As he handed me the ticket, he said tell Sandy hi for me. I’ve known a lot of good people in the sherrifs office but pardon my French, he was and I understand still is a sanctimonious ass.
Anyway back to the story. Steve seemed to solve problems by urinating on them when he was young. He occasionally sleepwalked and might be found peeing in the garbage can. I was 3 years older and could out muscle him back then. He could definitely outrun me.
When I first started working for the neighbors and he was too young, I had been helping plant apple trees all day. Steve had irritated me and I gave him a shove. I should have known it wasn’t over. I was soaking in a hot bathtub and half asleep. I heard a tinkling and Steve chuckling. He was peeing in the bathtub. He knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t chase him around naked.
As country boys do, we would get into throwing fights with anything available, including cow pies. We got in a rotten apple fight one day and I got a good one right in the middle of his back. I ran into the daylight basement and blocked the door. The door had a hole where a knob assembly used to be. I did an idiotic thing and peeked out of it. Steve did a perfect throw and I caught a rotten apple right in the face. Country boys back them found a lot of ways to entertain themselves.
More later.