Punch

I’m going to write three little tales about my family and punch. My Aunt Joyce and Mom were hosting a baby shower at Joyce’s house.

They decided to spike the punch.

I guess they weren’t sure about what beverage and what amounts. They had already set some little pranks up like a device that squirted your butt when you sat on the toilet seat. They ended up raiding Joyce’s husband’s liquor cabinet and if reports are accurate poured two bottles of tequila, two bottles of rum, and one of whiskey in the punch bowl. End result was a bunch of drunk women.

One of my Dad’s aunts came out a little tipsy and told my aunt there was something wrong with the toilet. My Mom and Aunt ended up calling the women’s husband’s to pick them up.

Dad and my Uncle Joe showed up and found their wives checking on two passed out women. Joe took a sip of the punch and said “For crying out loud, how much booze did you dump in here!” They didn’t make punch again.

I had two cousins who lived in Yakima. Their Dad had passed away and their Mom remarried to a fairly religious man. Their new step brother was getting married and they offered to throw him a bachelor’s party. Their Mom asked them to behave.

Often not a good idea with our clan. The brothers made a batch of what they called boom boom punch. One of the main ingredients was everclear, 190 proof grain alcohol.

Sometime during the night, one of the guests drove the roaring drunk former teetotaler downtown. We all drove to the wedding site the next day but the groom did not show up. He finally called his Dad collect from Portland. He had gotten on the Greyhound downtown and woke the next morning with a prostitute in his room and no money. He eventually got married but my cousins were persona non-grata in the home they grew up in for some time.

They thought of it as one of their greatest pranks!

My last tale is about my wedding day.

We were married on June 26th, 1982 in the Selah United Methodist. My brother and some friends took me out the night before and most of them passed out while I was still wide awake. Our wedding day, it was very muggy. Steve was my best man and Lilli’s half sister Ursula was her matron of honor.

Two completely opposite people!

The minister was nice enough but a bit of an egotistical tool at times. He, Steve, and I were waiting in the side hall to go out on the stage. It was sweltering in there and between that and marriage nerves, I was sweating. Steve pulled out a big red bandana and handed it to me. The minister, in a haughty tone, said he should not pull it out during the ceremony.

Little brothers sense of humor kicked in and in his best Jethro Bodine from the Beverly Hillbillies voice said “What it wouldn’t look none to good or sumpin.” I don’t think the minister knew he was being made fun of. We survived the wedding. My Dad’s gas mechanic Charlie and his wife Mary were there. Dad said it looked like Charlie combed his hair with an air hose most of the time. For the wedding Mary made sure his hair was combed and he was dressed up.

He spent the time during the ceremony making faces and trying to get me to laugh. He was one of Dad’s most loyal employees and became a good friend. He taught me much of what I knew about building up engines and had about any flat fender Jeep part you might need.

Had some cake and juice there but our main reception was down the road at my in laws place. My mother in law made something she called a strawberry bowl. It had strawberries, juice, champagne, and rum but also some everclear.

It for some reason did not taste very alcoholic to most people. Mom had Crohns so I told her the punch had a lot of alcohol and to stay away from it. She notified me that two great aunts had made several trips to the punch bowl. I said oh no but started laughing.

The two ladies were religious and one was a retired ministers wife. Mom steered them away from the punch with some effort and quietly talked to their rides home. In later years, if I was feeling ornery, I would ask “Do you remember when you got drunk at my wedding reception?” They would deny it and I would say that I had video. I got an object thrown at me once.

It might be wise to approach punch from my family with caution! Later.