Phrases
Scott Mclean
Having a few spasms tonight and decided to add to your misery.
This is going to be more like a list then a story. Most of us have heard a lot of descriptive one liners uttered by our elders. Now that some of us have become elders, it’s time to pass some of these down.
I will change some of the words in case I offend someone. The first was one of my Dad’s favorite sayings that came from WW2 so I will not censor it in his honor.
Hope to shit in your messkit. It was also the first full sentence my older son said. Thanks Dad.
I will use the next one from him in a full sentence.
I’ve known him since Christ was a corporal. Another one he got from the war. Now a general list.
Colder than a witches left breast. Yep censorship.
Colder than a well diggers butt. Don’t know who checked the temps on those. The next one is a doozy and probably why my Grandfather was afraid of nuns! Censored again.
Colder than a nuns private parts on Easter Sunday. More temperature statements to follow.
Hotter than the hubs of hell.
Hotter than a two penised billy goat.
The next was used by my Dad and uncles to describe someone with too much perfume or cologne. As far as I know none of them were ever in the mentioned establishment. Smells like a French whorehouse.
The next few criticized someone’s marksmanship. Couldn’t hit the broad side of the barn. Couldn’t hit their ass with both hands.
The next was used by my Dad to describe a stomach ailment. I could shit through a screen door without hitting wire. As far as I know, he never defaced a screen door.
The next was used to describe a well endowed acquaintance. Ashamed to face him and afraid to turn my back on him.
I have heard many more but will stop here. We’ve all heard some of these sayings and wonder who originally came up with them. An old acquaintance of mine used to say “Never start vast projects with half vast ideas.” Say it out loud.
My writing is one of those half vast ideas but I’ll keep it up for now. Please, feel free to add your own favorite sayings in the comments.
Bye for now.