For the Birds

Animals are today’s topic.

I will start out by saying mourning doves are attractive birds with a beautiful call. On the other hand I detest eurasion collared-doves with all my heart. In my opinion they are not doves but pigeons in disguise. These flying rats are an invasive species that basically just squawk, crap, and reproduce. They make deposits on our cars and basically annoy the hell out of me. They have almost replaced starlings on my hit list. I’m tempted to start committing mass birdicide.

I have tried people’s suggestions and the flashing tape does not work. I put out plastic owls with no result either.

We have a number of real owls around our place but they evidently have no taste for my enemies.

One of the owls is a great horned owl that perches on the power pole in front of the house. I think of it as Ralph. There is a smaller one with a different call that prefers the spruce tree. I think of it as Wilbur. They hoot back and forth a lot.

I’m pretty sure that upon seeing the plastic owl Ralph said, “Hey Wilbur, I think that doofus in the house bought us a sex doll.” My owl is a little rusty so I might be off on the translation.

I have starlings trying to nest in the chimney. Maybe it’s time to fire up the pellet stove. We had swallows trying to build a mud nest on the motion sensor light on the porch. They weren’t taking no for an answer and were buzzing us when we went out. I found some suggestions to keep them away that actually worked. I made a concoction of water, cayenne peppers, peppermint oil, lemon juice, a few drops of dish soap and a liberal amount of my habanero hot sauce. We soaked a small sponge with the solution and hung it below the fixture. It works!

If we could only get the pleasant birds to stay here and send all the others to Jay Inslee and Bob Ferguson. Then all of the shitbirds would be together!

Bye now.