A Particular Set of Skills
Scott Mclean
Today I’m going to discuss skills we acquire. Actually some of them are more like Letterman’s stupid pet tricks.
I have the arthritis driven weather prediction skill. Mom and Steve also had this and all of ours started with knee surgeries. There is a different ache for snow and Mom and I would often compare notes on our predictions.
When I was coaching grid kids we had a Saturday playoff game in Grandview in November. It was almost 70 and beautiful. One of my assistant coaches saw me rubbing my knee and asked about it. I told him we had snow coming within 24 hours. He just laughed at me. I was working until 3 am that night and got woken up by a call from him at 7 am. He told me thanks a lot and asked if I had looked outside. It must have started snowing right after I went to bed and there was already 6 inches on the ground.
I’ve told you before that Dad used my ability to shoot accurately at a young age to win some bets. Steve and I had belching contests where you swallowed air to build them up. Volume and longevity were major judging points.
Steve was a master at making flatulence sounds with his hand in his armpit. He and Mom were waiting in an exam room at the doctors. They could hear the doctor or a nurse walking down the hall and Steve ripped one with his armpit. The walking immediately paused and then carried on in a minute. Mom was highly embarrassed and Steve quite proud.
My younger son would slip a straw into his armpit and out the collar of his shirt. Similar concept to Steve’s armpit noises and quite realistic. Kyle went with Steve and family to the North Bend outlet mall. I’m told he hid in the middle of a clothing rack and would create sound effects when someone came near. I guess he got the wife of an elderly couple mad at her husband because she thought he was passing gas.
There was also the incident at George’s Wok for Kyle’s birthday. The nights entertainment was a duet with Steve playing harmonica and Kyle the armpit. I was trapped against the wall and couldn’t escape.
My older son has a knack for climbing evergreens and sneaking up on friends in the woods without them realizing he was there. That usually ended with the friend getting the crap scared out of them. One time in the Wildcat area, Gunner was about 30 to 40 feet up a white pine. He was trying to get the tree swaying and I realized he intended to jump to another tree. I told him to climb down immediately and he was not happy with me.
I climbed a lot of trees in younger days but was never that great with evergreens. The pitch all over you was not pleasant.
My Uncle Gale had a disgusting talent but did not need a hand or straw. The man could basically pass gas on command.
I won’t get into the enjoyable skills like cooking, woodworking, and stained glass work that various family members had. You’ll just have to be satisfied with our stupid pet tricks!
Bye now.